Well, that's reality. In terms of fictional characters though, my crushes are a-plenty. Admittedly, some are more shallow than others (Nola Rice in Match Point, Joan Holloway from Mad Men) but there are some who go beyond crushes - in other words, given the chance, I would totally date them.
Of course, I ranked them. I think it's important to keep in mind, though, that these are based on the characters in the fictional work (book, movie, TV show etc etc) as opposed to the actress herself. For example, I am pretty sure I'm in love with Rachel McAdams but I would never date Regina George. Also, let's work on the assumption that they would want to date me. You can't deny me the fake reciprocation of feelings on my own blog!
Anyway, so I know I said I'd rank the top 8. But let's start with Last:-
Last - Summer from 500 Days of Summer.
For those of you who think that Summer wasn't a bitch, the nice guys are all back in the friend zone where you left them.
Okay, now that that's out of the way, let's get down to the top 8.
8 - Norah from Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist
Upside potential: She's sassy and totally badass. Plus, finding a musical soulmate must be brilliant. Coupled with the fact that she's supremely giving (with respect to Caroline) and makes great wisecracks and of course, that she happens to look like Kat Dennings, she's a keeper.
Downside potential: She seems like the moody hot-cold type of person. If things go her way, great. If not, she seems like she might just lose it, march off in a huff, back into the arms of Tal (Minus points for being hung up over this douchebag too)
7 - Annie Edison from Community
Upside potential: She's a nerdy but really pretty girl. The combination is outstanding. Coupled with the fact that she's super driven and super loyal, it's hard to discount her. Plus, I quite like the way she dresses.
Downside potential: The narcotics history. The potential psychotic breaks. Yeah...am not really a fan of the crazy. I don't think you'd ever feel like your life is safe if you get her upset. (BUT WHAT IF I DON'T GET HER UPSET!)
6. Claire Cleary from Wedding Crashers
Upside Potential: Remember that rule I made earlier about choosing the character and not the actress? I call a mulligan just for this one. Rachel McAdams has never been prettier.
Downside Potential: I cheated for this, so I can't bring myself to Top 5 this pick.
5. Ginny Weasley from the Harry Potter series (books)
I am going to get so much crap for this pick. Also, I think the movies did not do justice to Ginny Weasley at all. She was way, way more spectacular in the books. Hence, the fan art picture.
Upside potential: Let's see, she's a tomboy. She's the girl next door. She's daring and spontaneous. She's fiercely loyal. She's very magically capable. She's a top athlete. She's a redhead. She can roll with the jokes and punches.
Downside potential: I really can't imagine what I would talk to her about. Seriously, I wonder (not really, but just saying) what she and Harry have to talk about. Also, I would fear for my life if she ever got angry at me (not from psycho-ness, but from pure power)
4. Victoria from How I Met Your Mother
My favourite of Ted's girlfriends. God, I wish she was the mother. Instead, it's been 7 agonising seasons of not yet having met the goddamn mother. Anyway.
Upside potential: She seems like she would be an ideal girlfriend. She's funny, witty, interesting, spontaneous, laid-back, cheerful. Most things you would want. And she bakes a storm too. Plus, she has the quintessential girl next door look (I guess you could start discerning my type of girl by now)
Downside potential: I think she's great and if anything, that revelation in Season 7 let me down a bit. I don't want to spoil things but let's just say I wouldn't be comfortable with it.
3. Olive Penderghast from Easy A
Upside Potential: It's so easy to fall in love with anyone who looks like Emma Stone. But when you add the sassy-ness, the brains, the willingness to give, the loyalty and just the overall 'cool' of Olive Penderghast, it makes her super date-able. I would give away a pair of Air Jordans to date her.
Downside Potential: The whole Scarlet Letter thing seemed a bit of an overreaction to me - thus, there is the potential of over-dramaticness in all of this. Plus, faking sex stories for money is just another form of mercenary-sm, despite the good intentions. That said, we're picking nits over here.
2. Beverly Marsh in It
The female heroine in my favourite book ever, "It". And I recognise that for the better part of the book, she's just an 11 year old girl. Internet/Real cops - I have no intention nor have ever had any inclination in dating nor touching any underage girl. I just think that anybody (of age) with the traits of Beverly Marsh would be a pure keeper.
Upside potential: She's the quintessential girl next door. She pals around like one of the guys. She's brave, loyal and a great friend (read the book to see how far she'd go to help her friends out). She's red-headed. Awesome. She's someone you would want with you in a foxhole or an apocalyptic rockfight. Plus, she loves the way I see love:-
"Whatever the reasons, by the end of their first meeting as a complete group in July of that year, that meeting of which Bill had taken such complete and effortless charge, she had been madly, head-over-heels in love with him. Calling it a simple schoolgirl crush was like saying a Rolls-Royce was a vehicle with four wheels, something like a hay-wagon. She did not giggle wildly and blush when she saw him, nor did she chalk his name on trees or write it on the walls of the Kissing Bridge. She simply lived with his face in her heart all the time, a kind of sweet, hurtful ache. She would have died for him."
My friends, this is why you should read Stephen King's stuff.
Downside potential: Daddy issues. Serious daddy issues (though some may argue that this is an upside).
1. Winifred Burkle from Angel
I would commit murder, multiple murders to date Fred Burkle.
Upside potential: Everything listed in the Beverly Marsh portion (except red-headed) with the addition of the fact that she's a serious geek and nerd. Smarter than the entire Angel Investigations combined. The geeky, nerdy girl next door. The quintessential Fred quote:-
"No, I am not—I am not the damsel in distress. I am not some case. I have to work this. I lived in a cave for five years in a world where they killed my kind like cattle. I am not gonna be cut down by some monster flu, I am better than that! But I wonder... how very scared I am."
The defiance with the introspection. Lovely.
I still, up to today, 7 years on, cannot rationally discuss what happened after.
Downside potential: None. Zilch.
One more time, for the road.
If you hear a beating sound, don't worry. That's just my heart falling in love with Fred Burkle all over again.
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